This is me...


So yeah, this me, Lou ... 

Someone said to me the other day, 'Gosh how many jobs do you have?' I answered 7.  7!  

Mother
Housekeeper
Blogger
Designer
Receptionist (I help out when needed at the local Community Centre)
Social Media / Blogger for various other blogs and companies
Copywriter
Tea Packer

Actually that's 8 - 8 jobs and counting.  Not including helping out at school with the reading, the occasional stint helping the PTA...

Don't get me wrong, this is not me bragging at how 'busy' I am.  No, actually the opposite.  I am doing all of this 'work' but feel so stretched and pulled that I am not giving anything any proper quality time.  It's all a bit slapdash, hurried and shit.  Some of my 'jobs' are falling by the wayside, the house cleaning is last on my list. I might run the hoover round or put bleach down the loo, but that's it, at the moment.  It's the Mother job that I feel is being most hit.

Before anything else in my life, first and foremost, I am a Mother.  Yes, my boys are loved, live in warm and caring environment. Have a great quality of life. But, Charlie is falling behind at school.  He is being tested this week for dyslexia.  I don't think is Dyslexic, but we shall see.  His reading is not up to a level with the rest of the class and I can't help to think that it is all down to me.  If I didn't have all these jobs, maybe he would be better at reading and writing.  Would he? I'll never know.  Dan and I read with him at night, not every night, but we do find the time to read a bed time story.  Friends and family have told me it's not my fault, he has just lost the interest, he will pick it up.  We are doing all we can at home (now) to boost him, encourage his reading and writing.  It's a long hard journey and one we are NOT giving up on.

Another example - At the dentist last night, Rufus had a filling. A filling!  He is 6.  I am shocked that this has happened.  I had a slap on the wrists by the Dentist, saying no more apple juice, no more snack bars in his packed lunch.  They have both been having these for convenience.  Again lack of time on my behalf.

And the list goes on...

So, you are all probably thinking I am either stupid, lazy or asking why does she do all these jobs?

Money.

Giving up work to have my children and finding returning to the workforce difficult afterwards.  Why aren't there decent jobs out there that will fit around the school hours?  So this is why I freelance.  And we all know the nature of freelance, money comes and money goes.  Some months are good, others sparse.  So hence the reason for so many jobs, to fill the gap on sparse freelance months.

In the meantime, I am trying to carve out a career of sorts for me.  To live a life that interests me, to push myself in exciting directions.  I love to blog, write, draw.  This has to take a back seat and I have to put the boys first.

Please forgive my outpouring.  It's been 'one of those days'.  I am exhausted.

Oh and the car has a flat tyre - a screw has punctured it. Joy!



Labels: